Thursday, July 6, 2017

Entry #4

So I was watching The Neverending Story and decided now would be a good time to do this. I've been meaning to get around to it for years now, and now I think I am ready.

I am going to attempt to recollect a year long case of psychosis I have come to call "Shift". This happened sometime during 2012-2013 I think, and during this time I had been homeless for what seemed like the better part of the year... although in reality in may have only have been months. My memory is a little hazy but I will do my best to remember. I will also write in a manner that is easy to read, and though it is not my intention to fabricate these events I will add emotional emphasis as I see fit. 

I would like to thank my family for helping me through this, even though at the time I didn't see it. If it wasn't for them, I don't know where I'd be today.

Well let's see... I guess we can start with the scenario. If you can imagine that life as we know it is only a fraction of the infinite nature of reality. This universe and the spectrums as is are only a interpretation of what I will call infinity, but I can also comfortably say God. 

Time and space have no boundaries, and with that being said there are ways to exist in which reality may seem warped. Distance becomes rather then how far away you are to how aware you are of your surroundings. Time becomes nothing more then a ruler that can easily be discarded. And the dream of life becomes more real then what actually is.

What we experience everyday is but a version of infinity and we get so caught up in this perception that it's usually not till the end (which doesn't always mean death... could also mean the birth of an enlightened being) we see with clarity what's actually in front of us. 

So with this basic understanding of the metaphysics of "Shift", we can go further on with the scenario.

Bare with me now, and try to imagine that somewhere in infinity, there was a very special place. A place in which dreams and ideas could be shifted into reality. A sort of eye that when it truly saw itself, could shift into reality anything imagination could manifest. But it was no easy task to trick this eye, and it didn't matter where you were, it can see. That's where I came in.

My schizophrenia began when I was 18. The years that followed seemed to be test after test. I would be put in a scenario in which I had to choose right over wrong, and follow through with that decision. But it wasn't about my integrity.. no it was something deeper. I had to do what was right, and the right thing happens to be the natural thing. The tests served as a way for me to gain all the emotional requirements of a unified being. I had to not only want to do the right thing, but to know why it was right. This was all needed for the shift.

At the time, I didn't know what was going on. Like I thought I was bearing witness of the Annunaki invading the earth via telepathy, or harboring another universe that the only way to stop my mind from affecting it was to kill off this body. Or even disabling a God Consciousness Chakra that was placed upon every human's head.

The tests went on and on. But the funny thing is, is I prevailed every time. Not only did I try to do the right thing, but I fought to carry it through until I could not muster the will to push forward. And finally, the time came when I was ready for the Shift.

The Shift was the reason I was made schizophrenic. It is the reason why I have always had interdimensional experiences even before this illness. I was chosen for this, before I was even born. 

It caught me like a wave. During the time I was struggling with akathisia (although I didn't know this was the source of my restlessness) and was also having problems with methamphetamine to cope. I remember my money stopped coming in the mail, and I don't think I was taking my medications properly. The Zetas (Grey Aliens) were becoming hostile in my head, and it eventually came to a point where it started breaching the mind.

I still remember clearly seeing two torsos flying towards me in the sky. It was so vivid, I swear if I wasn't schizophrenic I'd be damn sure they were really there. I was standing in the backyard smoking a cigarette when I looked up. At first I thought it was two birds in the distance, but then suddenly they started coming closer at an alarming speed. I only kept my eyes on them long enough to see two pale torsos and arms... no heads or legs. And the arms were flailing about sporadically. They couldn't of been more then ten feet above my head when I was hurrying into the house. This event couldn't of lasted more then five seconds, but it also laid the foundation of the year ahead.

At this point I was terrified. I was being told there were Zetas inside the house (with stealth technology of course) trying to get into my room and attack me. There was also a secret operative in the room with me (invisible as well) guarding me with his life.

I decided it wasn't safe there anymore, and the next day I threw all my belongings in the trash can. I also left my little sister's Nintendo DS in the dresser that she had let me borrow. There was no plan, just to start walking. And that's what I did.

See, this was just the start of an attempt to drive me so far into psychosis that the Shift could occur. I had to be put through very vivid scenarios all up to the point where the actual people in our universe could use me to shift their ideas into reality. Very beautiful ideas.. 

In a matter of days, the scenarios began to envelop me. All the movies and stories turned out to have a real reference to actual people. I started to hear Obi-Wan Kenobi talking to me as a Galactic Federal mentor. The Time Bandits were there too, and even Samara from the Ring. But I'll get more into that in a second.

The time on the streets was eerie. There are a lot of strange people out there in the dark. People that want you to masturbate with them in an alley, or people that will invite you into their hotel room to have sex. Or there was even a man that just came up to me and gave me what I think was cocaine. Of course I was so out of it that I didn't comprehend all this correctly. I thought I was on a mission and perhaps some of these people were actually in on it.

Half the time I was talking out loud, and the rest was looking for cigarette butts. It was neverending...

The scenarios would include things such as saving Samara from the well, in which I actually saw her in a shopping center walking towards me. Her figure was distorted and her legs wobbled unnaturally and I could only look at her for a second before I turned and walked the other way.

I did save her, and it turned out her family didn't know where she was but one day they pulled her out of the well. There had been Black Widows down there that took care of her, and in time her behavior started to mimic that of a spider.

Another scenario would be that a disgruntled Zeta flew his spaceship into oblivion, and in turn he was a living dream inside a time-space continuum. It was up to me to stop his onslaught and get him to turn in. I remember vividly staring up at the sky and talking to him. It didn't matter if I saw him or not, I felt all I needed.

When it was time for the Shift to occur, I was in a very strange state. No longer was I walking, talking, or moving my body at all. It was moving itself. It was telling people things, washing itself, and even dressing me. At the time I felt I had to let it, because I was going to be the catalyst for a new universe. If I ever felt I was straying from what comes naturally, I would snap myself out of it.

There was a very strange experience for a Fresno cop one day. For some reason my body just started doing this weird dance up to him, and ended with me patting the air like I was patting his ass. He looked embarrassed and I just ran off. 

Since we are on this topic of the strange dance, I actually had someone come up to me on a dark street doing the same dance. My body's response was to dance back, and the guy nodded his head as if he approved and went on his way.

Some man also randomly came up to me and gave me 50 dollars, in which I bought some very strange clothes and cigarettes. I changed out there on the street, and carried a broom with me. I remember staring at business's window dancing back and forth.

I also remember very vividly seeing the black pope on a bus!

So, how did the Shift go anyway? Let's just say if any of this were real then our reality would be changing dramatically. The Shift was successful, and the most beautiful ideas were implemented into life. But the reality is I could of been killed out there. I even remember jumping into a busy street without looking. This psychosis drove me to edge of imagination and almost to the end of my life. 

Schizophrenia can be horrifying, but the truth is the "real" world is just as scary. Some days I even wonder just how crazy I really was compared to those sick people out there.

I was admitted into the hospital and put on medication that saved my life. The years that followed I kept getting better and better and eventually I am where I am today. 

I am sorry I couldn't recollect this any better. It is really hard to remember, and the task to completely chronologically explain what happened would be impossible. I don't think it was because it happened years ago, rather the state I was in at the time was akin to drunkenness. 

Maybe I'll revisit this some day, but for now at least this has been written.

Thank you everyone for the support!! I hope to write more soon. Take care

1 comment:

  1. I love your life stories! It's so very interesting to hear your experiences. Thank you for sharing